Recently I’ve thought about how most testimonies I hear about the Lord include the end of the story.
“I was sick. Now I’m healed.”
“My marriage was broken. Now we’re in love again.”
“I was addicted. Now I’ve been set free.”
We don’t hear a lot of testimonies in the uncertainty, but much of what the biblical authors wrote was recorded “in the middle.” The person didn’t know what was about to happen, but wrote about what they saw and heard during the process. Hebrews 11 talks about all of the heroes of the faith who died without receiving what was promised. Maybe we don’t do that today because we’re scared that God won’t do what we hoped or prayed for. Maybe it’s because our testimonies are based on outcomes and not His character. So I’ve decided to do something different. I’m going to testify in the middle.
In June, about a month before my 41st birthday, I found out that I was pregnant. When I took that test and saw the positive result, I laughed. I felt a little bit like Sarah from the Bible. I may not be 90 years old, but it was funny to me that God would bless us with another child at this age. Shortly after, I started having complications due to a sub-chorionic hemorrhage and thought that I may not see a heartbeat when I had my next ultrasound. But at the appointment, the baby was unaffected by what was going on nearby, and did in fact have a strong heartbeat. I laughed. When at 15 weeks we were told, “It’s a girl,” and at 18 weeks it was definitely NOT a girl, I laughed. Isaac means laughter, and this baby has brought us plenty of laughs already.
But at my most recent appointment, the news was not met with laughter.
Isaac has a severe, but operable, congenital heart defect known as “Transposition of the Great Arteries.” Without surgery within a couple of weeks of being born, his blood will not have enough oxygen for his body to function properly. With a name like Isaac, I expected that there would be an altar at some point in his life – a place where we would have to put him in the Lord’s hands and trust. I just didn’t expect the altar to be before he turned one month old. (For reference, Isaac was Abraham’s son. God had promised that through Isaac, Abraham’s family would be as numerous as the stars and the sky and would be a blessing to many nations, but then the Lord asked Abraham to sacrifice his son. Abraham went up the mountain with faith. He even said that they would both return after they worshiped, but he also took the materials for the sacrifice. The author of Hebrews mentions that Abraham reasoned that God could raise him from the dead. As Abraham was about to follow through with the Lord’s command, the Lord told him to stop and provided a replacement offering.)
The Lord isn’t asking me to sacrifice my son, but He is inviting me to trust Him. I can’t control the outcome of this. I can research surgeons, try to take care of my body, and do as much as I can, but my trust is in the Lord. “What am I trusting Him to do?”, you may ask. I am trusting Him to be true to His character. He is a good God. He loves us. He will never leave me nor forsake me. Whatever the outcome is, He will be with me.
Could He heal Isaac in the womb? Absolutely. This may be a completely foreign concept to you, but I have a grandmother who was healed of inoperable lung cancer and a mom who was healed of ovarian tumors with no medical explanation in either case. I believe in the power of prayer to bring healing. That being said, I have spoken with the Lord about this, though, and if He’s only giving out a limited number of in-womb miracles, I’m okay if he chooses someone else who doesn’t have access to surgeons and first-world healthcare. But if He chooses that path to healing, I will praise Him for it.
Could the healing come through a successful surgery with no complications? Absolutely. I would praise God for access to health care and living in a time period where the technology allows arteries to be switched to the right spot. The cardiologist informed us that this condition is straightforward to correct, and while it is a severe defect, surgeons are seeing very good outcomes.
What if it’s a longer road to recovery? I trust Him.
What if there’s a bad outcome? I trust Him.
So today I am testifying from the middle. I will not be so arrogant as to declare how God should move on our behalf; I am just asking that in His grace and mercy, He make Isaac’s life a testimony. May the healing of his heart or the scar on his chest be a reminder to him and others that we are broken, fragile, and in need of help, but we can also be strong warriors who come out on the other side of hard things because God is our source of strength. I will say, like Abraham, “We are going to worship, and we will return.”
Most of our life is lived in the middle. Why not testify now?